We have all noticed when lighting candles, the moment we tip the original flame towards the new to be lit wick, the wax pooling to one side, the flame burns brighter than it did before.
Saying this in a discussion a while back to someone speaking about sharing their talent, sharing their experiences, I was struck by how often we as humans, fear losing what we have gained in offering to share it with others.
However if we cannot be hurt by someone without their being a hook within us for them to hold onto, lighting someone's darkness for a small moment can hurt very little, but illuminate and guide in a way we cannot fathom.
Gradually I have been learning how to take care of myself, to heal, and see my experiences instead of running from them. This year I have finally begun, with the courage to say no - without explanation. A lesson that has taken year's to make it's mark. So much damage, but the realisation has dawned, I do not and am not obliged to make others feel good about themselves at my expense.
It has been a devastating and exhausting few year's, untangling so much.
This year I hope in learning to put my self worth into practice I can also let that flame when present to light someone else's way, even if it for a small part of their way.
Burn bright, and thank you for all your kind messages.
It has has been a traumatic, tumultuous few years.
An enormous education in resilience, friendship, understanding.
I have not been posting as regularly as I set out, however those of you who email, and follow me on FaceBook will know, I have been actively writing, and advocating in the field of domestic violence and gender politics this whole while.
Your communication, and support has been invaluable to me.
After several illnesses with my children, and my own PTSD, I kept writing under various guises, and spent a large time learning, reading, supporting whilst I held my family tight.
In order to help other's I felt it was important for me to truly understand what had happened to me, the nature of cluster B personalities, how I did not see it, and what the gaps were in the support for survivors everywhere.
I am ready to launch what I began, and to those who have been there, whispering encouragement, sitting with me in conversation, and in silence, my love and compassion is with you.
It will take some adjustment, I will be re-launching with the format, and ideas intended. No more shadows, no more hiding, the me that has been emerging is here for all to see.
I hope you will stick with me.